Mestiso Manifesto #3

Last Friday, I attended the exhibition opening of Steve Leadbeater. If you’re in Melbourne I recommend you go visit - it closes this weekend! I think it was my first positive and energising experience at an opening. A lot of the time I feel very awkward, the crowd overwhelms me and my social anxiety skyrockets. Which leads to lack of engagement with people and leaving early.

I was experiencing an unusual level of confidence that night. I think it was because I got to meet people from my mentorship group (blog post for another time), I knew the gallery manager, I had art friends with me, and I found the art engaging and inspiring. This doesn’t mean all exhibition opening experiences are going to be like this, it's merely just an opportunity for me to reflect, develop and learn from the experience.

I understand that as an artist confidence is crucial to my career. When I’m engaging with galleries, other artists or the general public and also extends into how I paint, how I present myself and the quality of my work. I’m not an overly confident person generally, but I feel that’s been changing over the last few years. At the moment I describe this confidence as my ‘work face’, because I see it as my artist-self taking over to do a job.

It’s only a fairly recent thing for me to have the confidence to pursue art as a professional (I can write about the trauma of even calling myself an artist another time). This led me to move into a studio, and what drives me to create. It’s hard to pinpoint how and when this began, but I feel the more seriously I take my career and my work, the more resolve I have. This obviously didn’t happen overnight, it took all manner of situations and stepping stones, and I still struggle from time to time.

Even though I’ve achieved more than I ever expected in the last four years, I still have a lot to do to reach full-time sustainable art career status. Until then I just need to remember to enjoy the journey because you don’t stay an emerging artist forever. Unless you choose not to grow your career out of fear or disappointment I suppose.